First you will need a cute tank top or t-shirt. Given the heat, a tank top is preferred. This must be purchased at either Target or Old Navy and you can bet that you will see at least one other mom wearing your shirt in (hopefully) a different color throughout the course of the day.
Second, you will need a pair of Bermuda shorts. The length is very important for the up and down nature of the job...anything shorter and you will flash someone at some point guaranteed. Plus, we are moms and showing off our legs isn't our priority, right?
Third you will need a pair of flip flops. You get some creative licence here..you can go sparkly, beaded, patent, fashionable with a Grecian pair or more casual with a comfy pair of leather reefs. But, one CRUCIAL aspect of the footwear is the recent pedicure in a vibrant color for summer. No, you will never see a self-respecting mom (besides myself) with a grown out or busted up pedi in these parts. And french?? Well, that is SOOO 2 years ago :)
Last you will need your crucial accessories...
the wedding ring (seriously). I've forgotten mine before and felt soooo self conscious. Not necessarily because of the single-mom-status so much as the stay-at-home status because if you are out and about with a child during the day and no ring, I feel like people wonder where the income is coming from.
The modest earrings (nothing too flashy)
And of course the big plastic sunglasses (that double as a headband). Mine are from Target, but this is one accessory you will see that most moms don't get from Target...I see so many Chanel sunglasses in these parts I'm beginning to wonder if they are knock-offs. Probably not, but it makes me feel a little better to think they are.
And finally, you will need your makeup done and your hair coiffed. No time to coif? A pony tail is acceptable, but not the wad-it-up kind that you use to wash your face. No, you will need the straightener for the tail and your bangs at least, so don't get excited about putting away your styling products...a pony just cuts down on the time...time is still required if you have frizzy-prone hair like mine.
If all else fails and there is just NO time to get dolled up, then I have discovered there is ONE get-out-of-jail-free card. You can wear workout clothes. But keep in mind, you have to make it look convincing, like you actually went and/or are on your way to the gym, so you will need tennis shoes, a bottle of water and a baseball hat. This is one look I have perfected.
If you should choose to deviate from this dress code by wearing fancy pants, a dress, or (God forbid) high heals, all of the other moms will assume one of the following...you are either #1. foreign #2. the nanny or some other non-mom caregiver or #3. showing off beyond the confines of the previously stated dress code. That last one is a cardinal sin in the stay-at-home mommy world so don't be surprised if you are looked at suspiciously from then on out .
And now you know :)
3 comments:
Oh goodness! I'm in trouble! I NEVER wear shorts of any length...If it's short weather, I wear skirts (usually long). And I never wear flats...always wedges or heels. Only flats are I own are hiking boots and sneakers. I can do anything in heels. I guess I'm going to be the momma that gets the stares. LOL
Erica
Most hilarious post yet. I loved the get-out-of-jail-free card. No wonder all those moms look like they don't sweat!
In my experience fashion changes with the age of the children. When Ben was a newborn and I was surviving on less than 3 total hours of sleep a night I had the work out look down pat. Now that the kids are a little older and I can take a few minutes for myself I am putting more thought into my outfits. I remember that when Hannah hit about two I was able to really devote some time into dressing. That is when I started accessorizing beyond a necklace again.
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