Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

The arrival of our newest addition has been one of many mixed feelings. I know I would have had a lot of these same feelings regardless of when/how Jack arrived, but I can't help but look at Carter and feel the tiniest sense of sadness that our time with just him was cut short. He was supposed to get three more weeks as our only child, the star of the show. And I was supposed to get three more weeks to adjust to the idea that I wouldn't forever be available to completely and utterly devote all my attention and love to one child.

Carter has been such a trooper with all the changes taking place around him, but we've definitely had a few difficult moments. The other day, he hauled off and hit me and a few hours later he bit me. I've read repeatedly that kids his age are overwhelmed by their emotions and, incapable of handling them, will take out their frustrations on a trusted care giver or loved one. I guess I should be flattered that he trusts me and feels safe enough to take out his frustrations on me, but it just made me cry. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt for bringing this tiny newborn into his life and demanding that he adjust to it.

Don't get me wrong, I love Jack. I look at him and I'm overcome by a sense of care and devotion, but then I look at Carter and I'm reminded at how little I really know our new little addition. I KNOW Carter, though. Even though he's only 19 and 1/2 months, I know what his tastes are and I know what his personality is like and I know what his laugh sounds like and I know the sound of his voice. My love for Carter has grown exponentially since the day he was born, and as horrible as this sounds to admit, I often wonder when my love for Jack will catch up.

My mother gently reminds me that a time will come very soon when I can hardly remember the brief period in our lives when it was just the three of us, and while I know she means to comfort me with this notion, it makes me sad. It was such a beautiful and special time, I hate the idea that it is over, let alone that it might be forgotten. But when I think about how abundantly and dramatically more amazing our lives became the moment Carter entered them, I am reminded that they will be equally, if not more abundantly touched and enriched by Jack's precious life.

So once again, a chapter of our lives has ended. Our family of three is no more, but another exciting chapter has begun, and I can't wait to see what joys and challenges our family of four will bring.