Just a dot, not a lot.

We've been lubing up the little guy's gums since he was about 2 months old with orajel thinking his crabbiness was due to teething. We are now at (almost) 9 months with no sign of a tooth, but we still put the stuff on his gums pretty regularly. He doesn't seem to mind, and it makes us feel better.

Well today at lunch I chomped down on a little more than my turkey sandwich. I took a huge bite out of my cheek. It hurt...badly. No worries, though. I just grabbed little C's orajel to numb the pain. And boy did it numb the pain - that and the entire right side of my mouth!! I didn't even use his 'good stuff' (the night time formula with 2% more Benzocaine). No wonder he gets all drooly after we give it to him!! So, note to self when applying it to the munchkin...just a dot, not a lot!

In other news our little guy has been sick for the past three days. VERY sick. The sickest he's ever been . Fever around 102, cranky, puny, just wants to sit in my lap. Up until last night I was kinda enjoying all the snuggle time, but last night was horrible. The night before was bad, but last night was HORRIBLE. Have I mentioned it was horrible? Anyway, I was freaking out (I'm not your girl under pressure). My wonderful husband, on the other hand, kept his cool and calmly convinced me there was no need to go to the ER. But our little man was really having a hard time breathing. He lost his voice around midnight and after that the only sounds he made were these pathetic cries, terrible scratchy groans and hacking coughs. An hour in a hot steamy bathroom and lots and lots of rocking later, he finally went to sleep around 2:30am. Man oh man, two nights in a row of not sleeping well had me flashing back to the sleepless nights in the early days. NOT missing those. I will admit, though, while I stood in the dark steamy bathroom with him I vividly recalled one of our first seepless nights home with the baby. Mr. C had to work the next day and my mom was staying with us to help out. Not wanting to wake my mom or my husband I ducked into our bedroom closet with the little man to walk him where no one would be bothered. I had the exhaust fan running in the bathroom to attempt to drown out cries. After about an hour of standing in the dark closet, I was so exhausted I finally sat on the floor and thought "I did not sign up for this!" But as I held this tiny screaming infant out in front of me, I just looked at him and realized, he probably feels like he didn't sign up for this either! He was thrust into the world and was feeling pain, hunger, fatigue all for the first time...he just needed a mommy to hold him. So I held him. I will admit, I held him out of love, but more out of a deep sense of obligation to care for him...maternal instinct at its core. And last night as I stood utterly exhausted in the dark bathroom with the white noise of the shower running in the background, I marveled and the similarities of the two late nights....the dark room, the white noise, the exhaustion, how scared and uncertain I felt. But one thing was different...I love my son infinitely more now than I did 8 months ago. The love for a child starts strong, but it grows exponentially each and every day. And last night as I held him, I felt so much more than a sense of maternal obligation, but true deep love, and it was heartwrenching to see him in so much discomfort. On the one hand it's incredible to feel such overwhelming love for another human being and on the other hand it's terrifying. I feel like my heart is not in my chest, but crawling around in a diaper. And if anything were to happen to him, a piece of me would die. It leaves you so raw and vulnerable. It's the scarriest thing in the world to be a parent, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Even after a night like last night.