It's not pretty.

Hahahaha....wrote this a while back, so I can say, we're doing better!  But honestly, having a baby is TOUGH!  We were so glad when Grace hit the 6month mark. NO MORE INFANTS IN THE CHILDRESS HOUSE!  WOOO WHOOO!!!


So, we've recently added another human to the house.  She is wonderful, beautiful, adorable, healthy, and everything we prayed for.  And at this moment she is crying herself blue in the other room because she refuses to sleep, and I refuse to feed her AGAIN (to recap, she ate at 7, 9 and 10).  We need a schedule STAT, I am losing my mind.  She cluster feeds 24-7 and never. goes. to. sleep.  I have never felt so resentful towards something the size of a watermelon.  So when you see those soft-focused, black and white pictures of moms gazing lovingly at their precious children, know that it's all an illusion.  REAL motherhood is not pretty.  It's me sitting here in pajamas I had on yesterday, hair that hasn't been washed since last week, teeth that haven't been brushed because I'm guzzling coffee and blogging to keep from crying.

As for going from 2 kids to 3....I wish someone would have warned me!!!!  When I was pregnant with our second, everyone felt the need to tell me just how hard having 2 kids would be.  Granted I was having 2 under 2, but every single mom, grandmother, aunt or postal worker I encountered seemed to feel compelled to let me know how hard the first 6 months would be. Some people said it would take a year to adjust.  The general population had me so terrified of the challenge that the stress I felt anticipating 2 under 2 far outweighed the stress I felt actually raising 2 kids under 2.

When I was pregnant with number 3 however, the only comments I got were, 'Do you know what you  are you having? another boy??'  Seriously, that was it...people just wanted to know if it was a third boy.  No one seemed to feel the need to tell me that my brain was about to explode from levels of exhaustion and stress I didn't think humanly possible.  Maybe people just thought, 'She has two kids already, she knows what she's in for!!'

Um, NO!  Here's the reason, my second child SLEPT!  Don't get me wrong, that kid makes me pull my hair out and pushes my buttons like no other, but for the first six months of his life, he was the perfect child...never cried, never spit up, never pooped (no exaggeration, he only pooped every other week), and he slept all the time.  In fact, he slept so much I would repeatedly ask the pediatrician if he was mentally ok.  We travelled all over, and called him our little hotel baby...when he was hungry, I'd feed him, and the rest of the time he slept.  When he finally did wake up between 4 and 6 months, I was excited about it - it meant a chance to finally interact with him.     

Grace on the other hand never actually slept before she decided between 6 and 8 weeks that she no longer need any sleep at all, and is only happy if she is being fed and/or held, something that is impossible to do 24-7 when you only have 1 child, let alone 3.  And mornings are THE WORST.  For instance, it is 11:30 and she has been awake since 6 AM. This is no special circumstance either, she does this EVERY DAY.  We can't get anywhere in the morning without having to listen to her scream.  I have even started putting her in the car and coming back into the house to get all out stuff ready because it is literally impossible to pack up 3 kids and my haggard self for school, church or whatever without forgetting 20 things when you can't hear yourself think due to the infant SCREAMING in the background.

So needless to say, this momma is tapped out.  And while I know at some point I will regret wishing her childhood away, here's me, throwing handfuls of money into fountains, craning my neck for shooting stars and scrambling for any other opportunity to WISH HER CHILDHOOD AWAY.  I can not WAIT until she sleeps, preferably through the night and is done nursing/bottle feeding.  While we're at it, I'd really like her to be potty trained and in school at least 3 days a week.  

Like I said, it's not pretty.